Mindful Dialogue Principles
Do things just get too heated and spin out of control? I’ve used the principles below to slow things down and help me decide how to react when in conversation with others.
These principles grew out of practising a process called Bohmian Dialogue which is name after David Bohm, an eminent physicist. The process involves a group sits in a circle (so that everyone can see each other) and draws on guiding principles in order to create a sense of group mindfulness.
The following are the principles which inform how to approach creating a ‘shared field’ together. These principles were developed by me based on the experiences of bringing Bohmian Dialogue to groups. So feel free to play around with them yourself. We feel these principles are not only relevant when in a Bohmian Dialogue but also when communicating at any time, especially when things start to get tense.
Read these principles before starting the dialogue. It can be nice to have them on a piece of paper which can be passed around so each person reads one of the principles. Learn more about what Bohmian Dialogue is here.
Principles of Bohmian Dialogue
- Breath — Allow one breath after each person speaks. This is an opportunity to connect to ourselves and become aware of what’s happening between us. The ‘between us’ part is super key. If we don’t slow down, take a breathe, and allow some silence, it becomes a normal conversation with people slipping into status quo, habitual ways of relating to each other. Breathing allows more space for considering the questions mentioned above and the ones in the section.
- Stay in the present moment (or a few seconds into the past) — Stay here and now. What’s coming up for you in the present? What’s it like to be here in this space with these people? What thoughts are arising in you? What does it feel like to be in your body right now? Observe these things and if it feels like sharing might bring you into deeper connection with those around you please do.
We want to keep things in the present and in the relational, rather than abstract, lofty ideas. In a Bohmian, we want to focus on how we feel in ourselves within this group space, and feelings that arise from the interactions that happen between us or anything else we notice. It can be about anything as long as it’s rooted in the present. This is first and foremost an experience, rather than a philosophical exploration.
- Follow genuine curiousity — Ask questions that you actively want to know the answer to and be curious about those around you, for example, who needs to speak, or how does that person feel about that interaction that just happened? Who hasn’t spoken? What are they feeling and thinking? Maybe they’re nervous or bored? Why not ask them?
Try to sense the individual and collective energies. Try to notice who needs to speak with something ‘burning’ to be said and prompt them to share. This practice is about lightly encouraging everyone to make the implicit explicit. - Radical honesty & vulnerability — This is about sharing what’s really going on within us. When I pretend to myself and those around me, I’m not in connection with them. I’m pretending to feel something I’m not and that’s dishonest. Share anything you’re feeling even if you feel bored, share what’s true for you. It’s OK to say “I’m not feeling engaged”. Saying something like that immediately brings people back into connection because there’s honesty and vulnerability present.
The conveners have to model the principles, although in my experience, people catch on quickly. Invite everyone to hold them with you.
Some guiding questions can also : How can we create connection in this group? What does collective consciousness feel like? Refrain from intellectualising, stay in your body. Are you feeling connected to others here? Why? Why not? Would you like to share why or why not?
To learn more about David Bohm, check out the documentary, Infinite Potential: The Ideas and Life of David Bohm.
